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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27734773">star shopping</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/geminidaniel/pseuds/aquariuslester'>aquariuslester (geminidaniel)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>my love life as dnf [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author Projecting onto Dream, Inspired by Real Events, M/M, Other, Sad Ending, Songfic, Unrequited Crush, bc I said so, dream has my music taste</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:30:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27734773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/geminidaniel/pseuds/aquariuslester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>dream is tired of thinking of george when he isn't thinking of him back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>based on "star shopping" by lil peep</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream &amp; GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>my love life as dnf [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>star shopping</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i will take this down if the people in the fic are uncomfortable with it!! i really made this as a bit of a vent story about what's going on in my love life right now</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>fuck.</em>
</p>
<p>clay pressed on his eyelids with his fingertips and sighed. he wanted to stop thinking. he wanted desperately to shut his brain off and never turn it on again.</p>
<p>anything to get his mind off george.</p>
<p>he took his phone off his bedside table to check the time. midnight. he almost didn't acknowledge it until he saw the notification right underneath. a snapchat notification reading "george is typing..."</p>
<p>his eyes lit up for a moment as his mind wondered what he could be saying. he watched as the bar disappeared and then reappeared, saying "from george."</p>
<p>he was about to press the notification to open it, but he hesitated. he always did when he got a message from george. a faint hope always buzzed through his chest, sprouting into his fingers to make him respond. he couldn't help but wonder if george felt the same way when clay texted him.</p>
<p>"hey dream i need your help with something"</p>
<p>clay smiled but felt his heart sink into his stomach. he didn't know what he expected, but for some reason his chest felt hollow when the message was just a routine text. he probably needed help testing something he coded.</p>
<p>"yeah what's up"</p>
<p>he pressed send. maybe it was childish, but the fuzzy ball of hope in his chest still persisted, manifesting it was something different he needed help with.</p>
<p>his brain was constantly torn in two when thinking about george; should he be realistic, or should he chase the blind idea that they thought the same about each other? clay found it hard to explain the exact feeling in his chest. it was something he could only describe as a painfully empty ache. he felt his throat tighten and exhaled forcefully, sitting up in his bed and rubbing his eyes.</p>
<p>he needed to get out of the house. clay needed to do something besides praying and hoping george was on the other side of the screen thinking of him in the same way.</p>
<p>he stood up and grabbed his keys off his desk. as he slipped his shoes on, patches emerged from somewhere else in the house and sat at his feet.</p>
<p>"hey baby," he murmurs, running his fingers over her smooth fur on her head and scratching her behind the ear absentmindedly. he stared off into nothing as he thought about how much george loves cats, how much he loves patches. he wondered how george would pet her, how his voice would change pitches when he talked to her and snuggled her to his chest.</p>
<p>patches moved away from her owner, uncomfortable with the way his heavy hand had paused on her back, the movement shaking him out of his reminiscence over things that he'd never see. he sighed and finished putting on his shoes, standing and sliding his phone into his back pocket, for some reason afraid of what his friend's response would be.</p>
<p>the keys jingled in his palm as he unlocked his car and sat down, the steering wheel becoming another object he would hold onto as he lost himself in his mind again.</p>
<p>maybe he should check what george said. it might be important. it could be what he was working on coding for their next video.</p>
<p>
  <em>but what if it wasn't?</em>
</p>
<p>that's all clay allowed himself to think before shrugging off the second bout of absentmindedness and starting the car, opening his phone and ignoring the notification that george had texted him back to open his spotify, connecting it to the car's bluetooth and playing a playlist he reserved for nights just like this.</p>
<p>turning the volume all the way up, clay pulled out of his garage and started driving. the bass of the song shook his seats as he barreled down the empty road, opening the windows to let the biting wind graze his face and push his hair back.</p>
<p>something about the open air and the blaring music put him at ease. his eyes glazed over as he drove endlessly into the small lights, the towering palm trees overhead. he had always liked the sound the leaves made when the fresh autumnal breeze blew through them. he missed laying in the grass next to someone else and watching the stars above. the sky was always more beautiful when you were sharing it with someone, clay thought.</p>
<p>but it wasn't autumn. and he was alone. and there were no stars in the sky tonight. it wasn't beautiful because the world felt so... <em>bitter</em>. he could taste it in the air, feel it sting his bare hands as he gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. he wanted to dig his nails into his palms.</p>
<p>because it's just <em>not fair</em>.</p>
<p>it's not fair that he sees people around him happy. it's not fair that he has to be so damn miserable all the time because of someone he adores with his whole being. it's not fair that that person doesn't feel the same way that he does.</p>
<p>it's not fair that he has to keep being someone he isn't to the person he wants to be real to the most. he felt his jaw tighten and his teeth ground against each other. there was a lump in his throat and he wasn't sure if it was his pride or his puke.</p>
<p>
  <span class="u"> <em>wait right here, i'll be back in the morning</em> </span>
</p>
<p>clay gulped down the lump blocking his breathing and turned on his turn signal.</p>
<p>
  <span class="u"> <em>i know that i'm not that important to you, but to me you're so much more than gorgeous</em> </span>
</p>
<p>the wind stopped suddenly and it gave clay goosebumps. nothing he ever did could ever just be <em>normal</em>.</p>
<p>he just wanted things to be normal.</p>
<p>he heard george's voice ringing in his ears as he made a u-turn in an alley.</p>
<p>"i know dream loves me, but i just don't love him back."</p>
<p>clay's ears focused on the roaring of his car's engine as he sped back to his house. even the outside was annoying to him. everything that didn't have george in it felt wrong.</p>
<p>the stars weren't sitting right in the sky. his hands were too cold. the air was too smoky. the moon was too bright. the music wasn't loud enough. everything was painfully <em>wrong</em>.</p>
<p>he pulled back into his driveway and slammed on the breaks. even the way his body lurched with gravity felt wrong.</p>
<p>he reached for his phone. he couldn't run from george forever.</p>
<p>"it's something kinda personal but i figured you're the only one up right now"</p>
<p>his face didn't budge. in fact, he didn't move a muscle. there was no spark, no glimmering ball of hope in his chest like usual.</p>
<p>"you're not responding but i'll just say it anyway"</p>
<p>the moon suddenly felt too dim, his palms sweaty but his fingertips cold.</p>
<p>"i just met this girl that lives near me and i was thinking about going to see her so we can't film tomorrow sorry :("</p>
<p>a silence as clay finished rereading the last text.</p>
<p>he burst out laughing. he was smiling ear to ear and he didn't know why. his chest was so tight and constricted but he just kept laughing. his eyes were completely glazed over, the emotion frozen in an eerie giddy joy. the kind of joy when everything just falls so <em>out</em> of place for you, where you laugh in disbelief because of just how horribly the situation was going.</p>
<p>he dropped his phone at his feet and continued laughing, pressing his forehead into his steering wheel as tears started streaming down his face.</p>
<p>he wasn't sure if he was crying from laughing or crying from shock, but either way:</p>
<p>things were<em> certainly wrong.</em></p>
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